Scammers

  • So those kids who scammed Allison came to my apartment. I heard them talking to my neighbor. Went to the door in my boxers and a t-shirt with my robe on, wide open.
  • Kid: What is up, dude?
  • (I just stare at him, one eyebrow raised)
  • Kid: So I'm taking this course, we're working on public speaking, you ever done any?
  • Me: Yeah, I'm an actor.
  • Kid: Cool, that's where it's at, so we're out working on eye contact, pronunciation, good handshakes, posture, all that and there's this contest going on, whoever wins gets a thousand dollars and we'll have a barbecue at your place, so what're we having?
  • Me: Excuse me?
  • Kid: Barbecue, what're we having?
  • Me: What, do I look like I have money?
  • Kid: All actors have money.
  • Me: You don't know many actors.
  • Kid: What, you're broke?
  • Me: You're not very good at this.
  • Kid: What?
  • Me: I'm a student. An acting student. I have nothing except my fantastic facial hair, a sense of humor and this apartment.
  • Kid: Fantastic what?
  • Me: Facial hair. What, are you selling?
  • Kid: Magazines. All actors love magazines.
  • Me: I hate magazines.
  • Kid: What?
  • Me: What ain't no country I ever heard of.
  • Kid: What?
  • Me: They speak English in What?
  • Kid: I'm sorry?
  • Me: I don't want any magazines.
  • Kid: Oh. Well, if some girls come by, don't buy from them.
  • Me: There are girls doing this, too?
  • Kid: Yeah, they're in halter tops and mini skirts.
  • Me: Dude, you are REALLY bad at this.
  • Kid: Yeah, okay, God bless!
  • (I close the door singing "Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads)

I have fans. Not even stalkers this time!

Again, Stephen complemented me on how much enjoys my Tumblr.  He says it’s awesome and I post the coolest stuff, and he even went as far as to say he enjoys reading my text posts, which is a complement few Tumblr users get.  Again, Stephen flatters me.  I’m pretty sure he’s my biggest fan, and he doesn’t even have a Tumblr account.  That’s okay; people who follow your blog who don’t even have a blog of their own are the best kinds of fans.  It means they actually have to put effort into finding and looking through the borderline retarded mish-mash of crap we post here.

So, Stephen, I wanted to thank you.  This one’s for you and all of the rest of you beautiful people who follow my blog for whatever reason, whether it’s the Batman pictures, the ’80s junk, the random injections of Doctor Who here and there or the babblings of a mad man from time to time.  You’re spectacular.

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